Saturday, July 23, 2011

Speech for She Speaks #1

The following is a speech that I had to share at a conference that I went to that I was lead to share on here:


             Hello I am Unity Faith Miller from Canton, Ohio. I am God’s servant, a single mom of a 9 year old boy named Thaddeus and a nurse.

            Jeremiah 29:11 is a scripture I am sure many of you are familiar with. It says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

            At one point in my life I would not have believed a word of this scripture and probably would have laughed in your face if you would have told me that I had had hope and a future.

            You see, starting at the age five I was rapped for the first time by a family friend, who lead me to believe it was ok. Then I was molested and raped by my brother and other family friends “uncles” as they were called. They also did and had me do other unspeakable things. I also endured physical, verbal and emotional abuse. I felt so alone during this time of my life, I felt like there was no one there for me. Not even God, and though I attended church from early childhood on. I had no connection with God I felt he abandon me.

            My mother could have helped but at the time she was an alcoholic and that seemed more important to her than anything else did. Also, I am the youngest of eleven children and I was more of a nuisance to my siblings than anything else, so I just got lost in the shuffle.

            From the outside looking in we seemed like we had it together. We attended church lived in a decent house and my mother was the president of the PTA at my school.

            I felt so helpless to stop anything that was occurring to me and also thought it was only happening to me but it turned out to be some warped family secret that effected all of us.

            This all could have been stopped when it started because my sister walked in on it occurring and told my mom. But when my mother found out she placed the blame on me at six years old, saying that I should not allow my brother to do “that stuff” to me. As if it were all my fault that what was happening. Christmas Eve 1983 is the day that it was made clear that I would not have anyone to protect me.

            It seemed all anyone wanted me for was for something sexual or something that benefited them. And since my mother opted to side with my abuser, I ended up in children services custody where a list of other issues occurred.

            As a result of all that had happened in my earlier years, I started down a long road of sexual perversions, you name it I did it. I used sex to get what I wanted or thought I wanted because I did not know any better at the time. I used it to search for love (what I thought was love), to get money, to just feel wanted by someone. Eventually, sex was not enough and drugs and alcohol became involved as well.

            During this time I ended up pregnant by a one night stand and had an abortion because I did not want anyone to know that I did not know my baby’s father. Drug and alcohol use escalated after this and I also attempted to take my life several times before and after this but never succeeded. I can see now that it was God’s intervention that I did not succeeded but I did not see that then. Eventually, I ended up pregnant again with my son. The drug and alcohol use stopped while I was pregnant, but started again after he was born.

            About a year after my son was born I met my husband and thought things were going to be different but I soon realized I was an object of sex within my marriage. It seemed as if I did not have a say with the sex that occurred as long as I did it. Things became strained in my marriage due to the sex issues and also due to the fact that I was the only one working and not just one job but three. My husband then turned to the internet to meet women and to look at porn and I in retaliation had an affair to get back at him but I never told him at least not at that time.

            I felt so dirty and horrible after the affair which made things spiral out of control in my marriage. We separated several times and went to marriage counseling but the marriage ended in divorce.

            During the first separation we were supposedly working on ourselves but instead I started using drugs and alcohol at an increasing rate. I almost lost everything. My home (I had no place to stay of my own), my son, my career as a nurse, and my life. I also let myself be used sexually as well during this time, it did not matter I was nothing, at least in my eyes.

            In May of 2006 I had reached my lowest point and while contemplating suicide. The Lord spoke deep into my spirit saying, “My child come home, I am all you need.” Not truly knowing and understanding what this was going to be like I recommitted myself to the Lord and have been growing in my relationship with Him ever since. Going deeper and deeper with every step of obedience.

            So now if you were to ask me what Jeremiah 29:11 means to me. I can truly say the Lord has a plan and a purpose for me and it is not one to harm me and He has given me great hope and excitement for the future.

2 comments:

  1. You're very brave! It's beautiful to hear how God has worked and is working in your life. All praise to Him!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes He deserves all the praise! I thank Him every chance I get even when things are not going the way I think they should. Thaks for stopping by. Stop by sgsin God Bless

    ReplyDelete