Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Waiting on God

                   Waiting on God when we feel we need to have what we want right now, is hard to do. We are not very patient people us humans. Especially, those of us that live in America. We want our way and we do not want to wait.

I Want Everything My Way NOW!!

If Things Are Not Going Your Way & You Need Help We Are Here!

And of course Burger Kings "Have it Your Way!"

                The above ads/headlines are just a few in the many that are out there about having things our way. Since March 20, 2011 (when I fell at worked and ended up with 2 herniated discs) I have had experience with having to wait. It is not an easy thing and it tests where your priorities are and your faith. You learn that it is not all about you and what is really important in life. I will admit at first I did not want to wait, I did not believe I should have to, it all was cut and dry to me. I fell at work, got injured and should be paid accordingly but that is not what happened which I am grateful for now but not then. Along with the injury there have many other difficulties that occured, but as long as I stayed focused on the Lord everything was great and was taken care of in God's timing.

               Below you will find verses that deal with waiting and ones that helped me during this time in my life.

What does the Bible say about waiting on God? 
Ps 52:9 I will give Thee thanks forever, because Thou hast done it, And I will wait on Thy name, for it is good, in the presence of Thy godly ones.
Isa 49:23 And you will know that I am the LORD; Those who hopefully wait for Me will not be put to shame.
Ho 12:6 Therefore, return to your God, Observe kindness and justice, And wait for your God continually.
Mic 7:7 But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me.
Zep 3:8 "Therefore, wait for Me," declares the LORD, "For the day when I rise up to the prey...

Ps 27:14 Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.
Ps 33:20 Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield.
Ps 37:7 Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
Ps 37:9 For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.
Ps 37:34 Wait for the LORD, and keep His way, And He will exalt you to inherit the land; When the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
Pr 20:22 Do not say, "I will repay evil"; Wait for the LORD, and He will save you.
Isa 8:17 And I will wait for the LORD who is hiding His face from the house of Jacob; I will even look eagerly for Him.
Isa 40:31 Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

                I still struggle with waiting, but the Lord has given me such hope for the future through His word. When I feel like I can wait no longer some of the above scriptures come to me and reminds me that God is in control and will take care of it all.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Guest blogging

Guest blogging at Dawn's  New Day today. Check it out (actually yesterday).

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Lies We Believe About God

 I am helping to co-facilitate a book/bible study on "The Lies Women Believe And The Truth That Sets Them Free By Nancy Leigh DeMoss". While I have once lead these book/bible study before it has been a much deeper experience for me. I believe, no I know, that it is due to the fact that I have a deeper relationship with the Lord and have a softer heart than I did when I lead it the first time. Which takes me to the chapter that we covered a few weeks ago. The lies we believe about God. Many women especially christian women would (and probably do) think that they do not believe any lies about God. But, we may believe them and not realize it at all, which leads us to deeper bondage because we are unaware of these lies we may be believing. The only way to get rid of the bondage is to get to the root of the problem and not just the surface issues. I mean those deep (I hope I can stuff it forget about it problems). Going through these particular lies this time around made me go hmmmmm? Do I still have lies that I believe about God? Well, the answer was yes, not exactly the lies covered in the book but parts of them at any rate. There are 6 lies that Nancy lists her book that we believe about God. The two in which I identified with were God is Not Really Enough, which manifests itself in my life as me trying to help God along instead of letting Him work in my life. Nancy in this book also gives us the truth to combat the lies we believe and the truth for this lie is God is enough. If I have Him, I have all I need. The scriptures Nancy references for this truth are; The Lord is my shepherd, I have all that I need. Psalm 23:1 NLT, Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:23-26 NIV, and For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Colossians 2:9-10 NLT. The next lie I believed is God Should Fix My Problems which , manifests itself as me taking a victim mentality toward passed issues (abuses) and current ones. But I am  reminded of the truth which is, Life is hard, that God is more concerned about glorifying Himself and changing me than about solving all my problems, that God has an eternal purpose He is fulfilling in the midst of my problems, that He wants to use my problems as part of His sanctifying process in my life, and that no matter what problem I am facing God's grace is sufficient for me. The scriptures that supports these truths are; the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Romans 8:21-22 NLT, For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinthians 4:17 NIV, Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4 NIV, Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4 NIV, “But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. Job 23:10 NLT, and even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. So what is the point to this my fellow woman (christian and non-christian)? First, I would like to recommend this book to you to explore what lies you may be believing that has you in the grips of bondage and second, ask the Lord to keep you heart soft and open and not like stone, so you can be set free from whatever lies that you believe and not be in bondage any longer. I have had such an eye opening experience leading this wonderful group of women and getting fresh insights from them that I may not have recognized due to my hard headiness no my stubbornness
no I got it due to my pride. I thank the Lord for what He has shown me this time around that I was not ready to see two years ago. I pray that you take time (as if any of us have a lot of it) to read or reread this book and if your heart is open you will have an amazing experience. I would like to leave you with Galations 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Hey all would like to apologize for my lack of posts. Today however, I guest posted at a friends blog in which you can visit with the link below. I will be putting a new blog on every tuesdays and saturdays. I wish you all a good day and blessings.

What a beautiful post. Unity It's so neat to get to know you better through your words here after seeing your photos and comments on FB. Thanks for your vulnerability and for the reminder to trust in Him for everything today. Blessings....

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Devotion to God


          What is devotion to the Lord? I mean true devotion. I used to think that it meant being good and kind to others and serving at my church but I was recently reminded that it is so much more than that. God has laid this on my heart so I have been on a search for what it means to be truly devoted to the Lord. So first I looked it up in the dictionary and this is what I found; 1.Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle. 2. Religious ardor or zeal; piety. 3. a.An act of religious observance or prayer, especially when private. Often used in the plural. b.devotions Prayers or religious texts: a book of devotions. 4. The act of devoting or the state of being devoted. OK, so now I understand what the word means but it still did not show me what true devotion to the Lord is. The definitions seemed to be missing something to me. So I looked to my bible, to find examples but before I got into the scriptures I came across something I had taped in the cover of my bible.

"My definition of devotion
is taking time to
sit at the feet of Jesus and to listen to His word
because I love Him.
Living with a heart of devotion is about
giving Him the best of my
time and thoughts
so that as I go about my day,
my heart is centered on and
to Christ"

          This definition is what I felt in my heart to be what I was looking for, God wants the best of our time and thoughts not our sloppy seconds. He wants to be the first thing we think of, the first that we go to in time of need, and not just an after thought.
          So after I found this I continued my search through the bible and the Lord lead me to the book of Ruth. In this book we meet a woman who is devoted to a God who was not originally her God but through her devotion to Christ she is devoted and completely loyal to her mother-in-law Naomi who taught Ruth about the living God. Isn't that awesome, the way God works!  In this book we see what true devotion is, Ruth shows what a blessing true devotion can be.
          So I leave you with this question in mind, are you giving God your true devotion or are you giving Him your sloppy seconds?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

America and What Our Country was Founded On

Overlaid pictures representing America
Today I was doing a Social Studies lesson with my son which has been a wonderful time in itself but I we had to take a look and sing America The Beautiful and I am embarrassed to say that I never heard all the verses to the song just the first verse. But, the point is it reminded me what this country was built on. Not all this politically correctness we have today but on God. I bold and italic the phrases that really touched me below. It also has reminded me that I should (we should) be praying for our government all of it and the nation as whole for uprising for the church and God's kingdom agenda.To be disciples for the church.I hope you all are as touched as I was by this song and get a refreshing view of what our country was built on and not what it is today. God Bless you all. Also, at the bottom is a little history of the song itself.
(lyrics by Katherine Lee Bates;
music composed by Samuel A. Ward --
more history on the poem and music)

O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassion'd stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness.

America! America!
God mend thine ev'ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control
Thy liberty in law.

O beautiful for heroes prov'd
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life.
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev'ry gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.

America! America!
God shed His grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

A Little Bit of History....

The lyrics to this beautiful song were written by Katharine Lee Bates (1859-1929), a professor of English literature at Wellesley College, Massachusetts, after an inspiring trip to the top of Pikes Peak, Colorado in 1893. Her poem, America the Beautiful first appeared in print in The Congregationalist, a weekly journal, on July 4, 1895. Ms. Bates revised the lyrics in 1904 and again in 1913. In addition to those changes in the words, it is notable that the poem was not always sung to the tune presented on this website ("Materna," composed by Samuel A. Ward in 1882, nearly a decade before the poem was written). In fact, for two years after it was written it was sung to just about any popular or folk tune that would fit with the lyrics, with "Auld Lang Syne" being the most notable of those. The words were not published together with "Materna" until 1910, and even after that time, the tune to be used was challenged to some degree. For example, in 1926 the National Federation of Music Clubs held a contest to put the poem to new, reportedly "less somber," music, but no other entry was determined to be more acceptable. Before her death in 1929, Ms. Bates never indicated publicly which music she liked best, but it now appears likely that America the Beautiful will forever be associated with "Materna."

Contact NIEHS (NIH, DHHS)Children's Privacy and Other Disclaimers
NIEHS Sing-Along Index
NIEHS Kids Page Main Index

Thursday, August 18, 2011

God and His Love

                           Have you had a season (a day, week, month, year or years) that you just felt like the Lord was not there for you? Well I have and for a moment I have taken my eyes off the source of my strength. Which is the Lord himself. This makes you wallow and feel depressed and like there is no hope. The Lord is our strength and when we feel low or alone we need to go to Him and His word.
                             I can see your mind now, "Why would I go to the one who has left my side and allow this to happen?" Well the answer is in His word and though you may not feel it, going to Him and His word, will comfort you.
                           Romans 8:39 is a perfect example of God's love for us and how he will be there for us, it says, "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
                            Did you catch that, nothing can separate us from God's love. No matter what we do how we feel, God is still there loving us. Just take it all to Him he already knows He just wants us to tell Him and to go to Him. To praise and rejoice in Him in the good and the bad times.
                           The Bible is full of examples of people that fell on hard times but still turned to the Lord. For just a few examples, David and the book of Psalms is a place to look for examples of how to cry out to the Lord about anything, and He will be there for you. After all David committed adultery and murder among other things and he still was a man after God's on heart. The other example can be found in the book of Job. Job lost everything and was God's faithful servant and remained so even when his own wife told him to curse God but he never did he turned God in everything that he went through and God was there every step of the way. The last example I use is my own life right now, for the past few years I have experienced many valley experiences, the failure of my marriage, the loss of income and the decline in my health and while I did not depend on the Lord everyday of these struggles on the days that I did it was amazing, glorious and the most peaceful days I have had in my life.
                          The point, take it to God anything and everything He can handle it He wants us to, that is the way we build that relationship with Him that we and He wants. No matter when it is, in your down seasons in the valley or on the mountain top when you have plenty. And also He will still love you no matter what.
                           God bless you through out your day, week, month and year. No matter where you are in your walk with Him, No matter what you are going through God bless you.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Prayer During Warfare at She Speaks

Well, I was going through some of the information that I had received at the She Speaks conference and came across this prayer I wrote to the Lord while I was there. It was after our first speaker evaluation group and though I did not get anything horrible said the enemy started his usually thing and started making me doubt myself and the fact that I was in pain from a back injury did not help. I had many things going on made it easy for the enemy to get his way but instead of sitting in despair I wrote and said the follow prayer to the Lord;
My friend, my peace giver. Please help me get these thoughts out of my mind and under control. The thought that I am not good enough to speak on behalf of your kingdom. Help me to relax Lord, you got me here for a purpose and I do not want to miss ‘such a time as this’ and not obtain all the blessings that you have for me.
From this prayer God laid on my heart the following; My child I have it under control. Be still and know that I am God Psalm 46:10. And at that time I went to his word and had my time with Him and He calmed my spirit and eased my pain.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Boundaries and Letting Go

I have always had trouble with keeping boundaries with people. In the sense that I let them use me until there is nothing left. Most of the people I let do this is my family. Why you ask, well I am a people pleasure by nature and due to abuses that started at the age of 5 until now really. I still allow them to use me. I guess it is because I want them to love me they say it but, they do not feel act like they mean it.
The latest episode is, I have been letting my sister to drive my car putting a lot of wear and tear on it driving back and forth on the highway (along with other things she does). Anyways, last night we had a tire blow out and it was on our way home from a long driving trip. So….three hours after I called AAA they finally show up to fix the tire. And at this point I am irritable and in pain, I was ready to snap at any moment. My emotions where so negative I could not hear God telling me it was going to be ok. But, He once again showed me how wonderful he is. As the AAA guy was getting ready to leave he says to me, “You know you are truly blessed, I am an ordained ministry and have been dealing with my wife who is dying due to alcohol issues and I feel the Lord telling me to tell you, you are blessed, have a good night.” As he walked off, I mumbled a weak God Bless you and thank you as I was in awe at the first part of his statement. “You know you are blessed”. I know this but I was not feeling it in my spirit at the time or here recently. Which is so human of me to want to ‘feel’ blessed. It should be enough to know I am blessed because I am a child of God.
As I got into to the car to drive home with my sisters, son and great-nephew awaiting the smart comments and negative attitudes that usual go with my family. The Lord made it quiet (which if you knew us you would know my family is never quiet) and laid on my heart that I need to let go and let Him handle all the details right now of my life. With so much going on I have found it hard to do this and have missed out on blessings that the Lord has had for me. He also said to my heart, What you do for the least of these you do for me, referring to my family but in this He also let me know I am allowed to say no. I do not always have to say yes to everything that everyone wants because it just is not possible for me to be or do all everyone asks me to be or do.
Then he put several things in my mind and deep in my heart ; First, Matt. 6:25 which tells us to not worry about our lives and what we will eat or drink (He is there to carry us through) this was because I am now needing a new tire but not working due to an injury makes it hard to jump up and buy a tire. Next, he told me that while I do not have to do everything my family asks that I should remember to extend mercy and grace to them. And finally He really hammered in that I need to let go and let Him handle things and that I will have peace. So we will see what comes of this, I am letting go God.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

His Love Endures Forever

Psalm 118

New International Version (NIV)
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
“His love endures forever.”
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
“His love endures forever.”
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
“His love endures forever.”
5 When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD;
he brought me into a spacious place.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in humans.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them down.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them down.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them down.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my defense[a];
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The LORD’s right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD’s right hand is lifted high;
the LORD’s right hand has done mighty things!”
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of the righteous;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 The LORD has done it this very day;
let us rejoice today and be glad.
25 LORD, save us!
LORD, grant us success!
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.[b]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine on us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up[c]to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will praise you;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever

                                      A few days ago I had a mini melt down. I took my eyes off the Lord and focused on myself and what I could do to better my current situation. Well, I can do nothing in my own strength it has to be done through God. This is a lesson I have learned repetitively through out my life you would think that I would finely get it. Well no, I what the call a “hard learner”. I sometimes feel that God should give me a pass because of my childhood but he keeps molding me into an even stronger woman of Christ than I already am. He is my rock and my strength and I need to continually depend on Him. Today, I came upon Psalms 118. It has uplifted my spirit for the day reminding me that the Lord’s love endures forever, especially the portion in which the psalmist talks about when he is enduring hardships. I feel like my life has been nothing but hardships and valleys for a few years and a few days ago as I said I took my eyes off the one person that will never let me down in any way and who will always see me through those hardship and valleys. The Lord our God. He will carry me throughout these times and will love me all the way through them because His love endures forever, I just need to stay focused on Him everyday, every hour and every minute. And I will be able to rejoice and continue to rejoice no matter what the day holds.

Saturday, July 30, 2011


Someone posted this on a site I follow, I thought it was amazing and wanted to share this deep and profound message. It is so true and spoke to my heart.


Wednesday, July 27, 2011


John 1:16

From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.

This verse says so much in such a short amount of words. The Lord has given us blessing after blessing through His grace. But imagine the blessings that we will receive when we extend grace to each other. I recently had to extend grace to someone that just rubs me the wrong way on a daily basis and when I returned from the She Speaks conference all that I could hear was the words "grace grace grace" when confronted yet again by this person's undesireable attitude. As a result the Lord just amazed me through out the rest of my day with the blessings that I received. So, in closing remember God has extended us grace throught Jesus Christ, so pass that grace on and extended to others in your life. After all we are all human and fall short of the glory of God.

Monday, July 25, 2011

She Speaks 2011

The end of She Speaks....So sad to see. I was asked to sum up what I had experienced into one sentence and I could only say wow at first. But ultimately I said God has given me an even closer and more joyful relationship with Him. More than I could ever imagine. I am ready to be the clay for him and let Him mold me into what he wants ...me to be, to glorify Him. I have been poured into and filled to the brim with God's wonderfulness. I was on the verge of giving up but so glad I did not. The Lord has a plan for me and I just need to relax and let Him do his work through me. I would like to say thank you for all the prayers, they were fulfilled over and beyond what was being asked as God always does. I want to thank all the women who made me fill like I had a whole new group of friends and sisters. I am just in awe of the while experience and I am ready for more. So I have a year to have God work on me and prepare me to be a walking, speaking, writing testimony for His kingdom.
...And they will be called righteous trees, planted by the Lord, to glorify Him. Isaiah 61:3 (CSB)
    (this is what I want to be called)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

She Speaks Speech #2

The Lord has been doing a mighty work in me over the past few months. Actually the past 2 years. This has caused my relationship with Him to grow stronger and more personal. He has been what they say, my “BFF” and has made it possible for me to go through all that I am encountering at this time.

            As a result of this it has brought me such joy in praising and rejoicing in the Lord.

            Through all this the Lord has have laid several scriptures on my heart for me to meditate on. The first being Philippians 4:4, which, calls us to rejoice in the Lord always.

            This is an easy thing to do when your life is going the way that you want it to go. It is not so easy however when there is hardships that you are facing. I mean who wants to do that? Rejoice when you are going through trails and difficulties.

            This scripture is calling us to rejoice in the Lord always which means in the midst of struggles and all situations. The joy of Christians is not based on happy, pleasant circumstances. Instead, it is based on our relationship to God. We will face troubles in this world but we should rejoice in the trails we face because we as Christians know God is using those situations to improve our character and never with the intent to harm us.

            The next scriptures that the Lord lead me to were Philippians 4:6-7, where Paul says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayers and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

            In these scriptures Paul was telling the Philippians to pray about their circumstances instead of worrying over them and to be anxious about nothing. This applies to us today, just as much as it applied to the Philippians. We need to commit our problems to God (no matter what they are) in prayer, trusting that He will provide deliverance.

            The brought these scriptures to me because I am currently in a season of life that requires this type of attitude. Otherwise, I would be a basket case, unable to accomplish anything, because of the anxiety and worry that I would let invade my thoughts and life.

            You see I fell at work injuring my spine, causing 2 herniated discs, resulting in severe pain. And since that day I have not had any real income and have been dependent on the Lord totally to see me through this season. No actually, I should say this storm in my life.

            Through all of this I have found myself praying all the time whenever I can and because of this I have had such tremendous peace over all the financial, emotional, physical pain and other issues I have encountered during this time. This not to say I do not have bad days, actually, I have had both up and down days but the Lord has seen me through all of them. Each day I am reminded that Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

            Without the Lord guiding and watching over me, I do not think (actually I know), I could praise and rejoice in Him during this time of difficulty. In fact, I praise and rejoice in Him even more than I have before and it has brought me closer to the Lord. It also, makes me want to go to the highest place and shout we have such a wonderful, and awesome God who will see us through all things and gives us the strength to do so, even when you feel you can’t.

Speech for She Speaks #1

The following is a speech that I had to share at a conference that I went to that I was lead to share on here:

             Hello I am Unity Faith Miller from Canton, Ohio. I am God’s servant, a single mom of a 9 year old boy named Thaddeus and a nurse.

            Jeremiah 29:11 is a scripture I am sure many of you are familiar with. It says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

            At one point in my life I would not have believed a word of this scripture and probably would have laughed in your face if you would have told me that I had had hope and a future.

            You see, starting at the age five I was rapped for the first time by a family friend, who lead me to believe it was ok. Then I was molested and raped by my brother and other family friends “uncles” as they were called. They also did and had me do other unspeakable things. I also endured physical, verbal and emotional abuse. I felt so alone during this time of my life, I felt like there was no one there for me. Not even God, and though I attended church from early childhood on. I had no connection with God I felt he abandon me.

            My mother could have helped but at the time she was an alcoholic and that seemed more important to her than anything else did. Also, I am the youngest of eleven children and I was more of a nuisance to my siblings than anything else, so I just got lost in the shuffle.

            From the outside looking in we seemed like we had it together. We attended church lived in a decent house and my mother was the president of the PTA at my school.

            I felt so helpless to stop anything that was occurring to me and also thought it was only happening to me but it turned out to be some warped family secret that effected all of us.

            This all could have been stopped when it started because my sister walked in on it occurring and told my mom. But when my mother found out she placed the blame on me at six years old, saying that I should not allow my brother to do “that stuff” to me. As if it were all my fault that what was happening. Christmas Eve 1983 is the day that it was made clear that I would not have anyone to protect me.

            It seemed all anyone wanted me for was for something sexual or something that benefited them. And since my mother opted to side with my abuser, I ended up in children services custody where a list of other issues occurred.

            As a result of all that had happened in my earlier years, I started down a long road of sexual perversions, you name it I did it. I used sex to get what I wanted or thought I wanted because I did not know any better at the time. I used it to search for love (what I thought was love), to get money, to just feel wanted by someone. Eventually, sex was not enough and drugs and alcohol became involved as well.

            During this time I ended up pregnant by a one night stand and had an abortion because I did not want anyone to know that I did not know my baby’s father. Drug and alcohol use escalated after this and I also attempted to take my life several times before and after this but never succeeded. I can see now that it was God’s intervention that I did not succeeded but I did not see that then. Eventually, I ended up pregnant again with my son. The drug and alcohol use stopped while I was pregnant, but started again after he was born.

            About a year after my son was born I met my husband and thought things were going to be different but I soon realized I was an object of sex within my marriage. It seemed as if I did not have a say with the sex that occurred as long as I did it. Things became strained in my marriage due to the sex issues and also due to the fact that I was the only one working and not just one job but three. My husband then turned to the internet to meet women and to look at porn and I in retaliation had an affair to get back at him but I never told him at least not at that time.

            I felt so dirty and horrible after the affair which made things spiral out of control in my marriage. We separated several times and went to marriage counseling but the marriage ended in divorce.

            During the first separation we were supposedly working on ourselves but instead I started using drugs and alcohol at an increasing rate. I almost lost everything. My home (I had no place to stay of my own), my son, my career as a nurse, and my life. I also let myself be used sexually as well during this time, it did not matter I was nothing, at least in my eyes.

            In May of 2006 I had reached my lowest point and while contemplating suicide. The Lord spoke deep into my spirit saying, “My child come home, I am all you need.” Not truly knowing and understanding what this was going to be like I recommitted myself to the Lord and have been growing in my relationship with Him ever since. Going deeper and deeper with every step of obedience.

            So now if you were to ask me what Jeremiah 29:11 means to me. I can truly say the Lord has a plan and a purpose for me and it is not one to harm me and He has given me great hope and excitement for the future.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Many ways the Lord comes to us

The Lord has come to me many times and have showed himself at work in many areas of my life. The following are just some of the ways in which the Lord has come to me. Comforting me through his many roles in my life.

Through all the stress and turmoil.

All we have to do is call out to Thee.

Our Abba Father, Jehovah-Rophe, Jehovah-Jireh,

Jehovah-Shalom and Jehovah-Shammah.

So many things you are to us.

You fill us, soothe us, carry us, provide for us,

Heal and give us great peace.

And all we have to do is lay it all at your feet.

A Cry Out to the Lord

The following is a prayer to the Lord. A heart cry to him.

My Heavenly Father

I lay my burdens at your feet.

And there I sit and I weep.

Cleansing my soul of all this pain.

Also driving away all the shame.

You are my comforter and you bring such peace.

All I have to do is release it.

So that I do without delay.

So it will bring us closer and closer as I obey.
The following piece came from accepting the Lord's forgiveness for my sin of abortion and the healing that he gave me through a group called The Peace Group. Which focuses on women who had had abortions. Allowing us to put a name to our children that were not to be because of our choice of abortion. This outs me in mind of Galations 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has st us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

A Life Celebrated

Today I celebrate life and the beauty

That could have been.

A life cut short by her mother’s sin.

God above looked down on us both in love.

Knowing us both before we were ever formed.

Giving us His grace and mercy to help

us through this storm.

Though your life was cut short and never

to be on this earth.

God gave you a plan and a purpose.

Through the shame, guilt and grief,

God has shown me your true beauty.

Allowing me to live forgiven and set free.